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Feedback - Letters to the Editor - Re: Phil
of Auckland NZ writes on Barb
Sumner Burstyn's Zero Tolerance column...
Dear Barbara, To me and probably the majority of Kiwis, the feeling
is that the really nasty (and relatively few) dudes they actually
do catch should pull down serious time.
Feedback - Letters to the Editor - Re: Mark
Rassie writes on Barb
Sumner Burstyn's Zero Tolerance column...
Thank you for a timely reminder that strident appeals and knee-jerk
reactions should not be the basis for one's point of view. I recently
received ACTs "survey" on the proposed changes to Govt legislation
on sentences and prisons.
Feedback - Letters to the Editor - Re: Steven
Jones of Memphis, TN writes on Barb
Sumner Burstyn's Restoring Testosterone column...
I don't know if it's true, you know, that it's safe for us to come
out now, but it is nice to read and to think it might be.
Feedback - Letters to the Editor - Re: Frank
Hujber - Mercerville, New Jersy, USA writes on Barb
Sumner Burstyn's Restoring Testosterone column...
So all you men who went into shock in the 70's and early 80's and
stayed there, good news, the wars almost over, you can come on out
now.
Feedback - Letters to the Editor - Re: Annonymous,
USA writes on Barb
Sumner Burstyn's Restoring Testosterone column...
Personally, mine never left. My actions and words changed completely.
At 49, having learned alot during "the war", I am not un happy,
but not happy.
Feedback - Letters to the Editor - Re: Ms E
Bennett writes on Barb
Sumner Burstyn's Restoring Testosterone column...
You're article on "Restoring testosterone" would have to be the
biggest load I've ever read.
Feedback - Letters to the Editor - Re: Robert
Hutchinson Menasha, Wisconsin USA writes on Barb
Sumner Burstyn's Restoring Testosterone column...
Thank You, but... ...it's not enough. I'm referring to your article
"Restoring Testosterone", in which you tell men that we can come
out now because it's safe.
Feedback - Re: Restoring
Testosterone - Letters to Barb Sumner Burstyn - POV
Someone called "Bill" from Vermont
USA writes: Barbara Oh yes, there are a lot of pissed
off men.
And women, in their smugness, don't realize.
Men are pissed because they have spent history toiling and building
and providing - and it all went wrong, somehow.
Now men are sued, jailed, destroyed by divorce, denied their children,
the homes they built or paid for, financially punished and sentenced
to poverty after a life of work.
Men are the dummies in all the commercials and stupid movies, it
goes on.
You've opened a locked box, Pandora.
Keep it up. Bill [Vermont, USA].
Feedback - Re: Restoring
Testosterone - Letters to Barb Sumner Burstyn - POV
Evan Keil writes:
Ms. Burstyn, I want to thank you for your recent article entitled
"Restoring Testosterone".
While I disagree with many of the qualifications of being "a man",
I am pleased at any time that a person recognizes their own prejudices
and takes any step to reconcile them with the world at large. You
have done just that.
More importantly, you did so in a balanced way. You did not place
blame on any one group, nor did you accept sole responsibility,
but simply stated a recognized error in judgment.
I sincerely wish that more people on either the side of radical
feminism or radical masculism could perform such a sobering act.
The fact is that both men and women suffer from perceived stereotypes,
and their struggle against those stereotypes can too often become
inflated to a struggle against the entirety of the opposite gender.
Both sides of this battle over illusory injustices become so entrenched
within their beliefs of solitary persecution that they begin to
actually enforce the beliefs of the other side.
I've seen this at work on a men's activism site to which I belong.
Your article was linked there as an example of someone doing "the
right thing".
Unfortunately, half of the men on the site have reacted with anything
from scepticism over your honesty to outright accusations of feminist
agendas relying on swaying public opinion. Those who express their
gratitude for your article, however short it may be, havebeen met
with hostility from both the other men on the site and from radical
feminists who use the opportunity to make horrible speeches comparing
us, as men, to child-pornographers.
It is comforting to me that someone, yourself in this case, can
recognize something in herself which is a problem, something that
contributed to an unbalanced world view, and act upon it in a positive
manner.
It is inspiring. It reaffirms my faith in humanity. I thank you
for it.
The problems of sexism, on either side, are deeply rooted and trained
into society at a the great cost of solidarity. As you have stated,
both genders are responsible. It is a complicated issue, and for
many a passionate one. For whatever reasons, passion includes blindness
and blind faith.
To that end, passion can be a detriment. There are very, very passionate
people on both sides of this issue.
That said, let me extend my apologies, however unrequired they
may be, for any attacks that are made against you for this article.
Radical feminists and masculists alike are currently swarming around
your article like angry bees, trying to find a place to light and
sting.
I pray that you do not get stung, and more importantly that the
poison of their words does not taint your clarity. People are passionate.
They are blind.
As has been said before, "They know not what they do."
Thanks again for writing this article. I look forward to reading
more.
Evan Keil
Credere è di vedere By believing, one sees.
Feedback - Restoring
Testosterone - Jay Turley - Arizona USA -
writes: Dear Barbara- I just wanted to say that I really
enjoyed your article. I am a male attempting to shake off the exact
effects you talk about and "rediscover my maleness" (as goofy as that
may sound).
So I really appreciate it when a women talks about all that stuff
thats always whirling around in my own head. Thanks for speaking
up!
Jay Turley - Arizona USA.
Feedback - Restoring
Testosterone - Jeff McMullen of Germany - writes: Nice
article, only it comes a little too late. At one time, when the movement
you describe was young( I'm 40), I considered myself to be an enthusiastic
supporter of women's rights.
I have watched, all of my cognizant life, feminism grow from a
small movement to the monster it has become.
The sisterhood ran me and every other man off who wasn't the hollow
charicature of a man that you describe in your article.
The rest were tolerated to have someone to kick around. That seems
to be the best we can do anymore.
We're still expected to pay for everything and solve all the problems
and face danger if need be, but leave your feelings and expectations
at the door on your way in, and, by the way, please leave quietly
by noon as well and place your wallet on the dresser as you leave.
That is the message I get from far too many so called thinking
women.
Most of whom also strike me as lonely and frustrated at the fact
that they have been unable to have it all, most importantly, a fulfilling
marriage.
Surprise, surprise! Welcome to the real world of accountability
and scarce resources.
I expected your article to be uplifting, but instead I was angered
by it.
The damage in our society is severe and already done.
You have made sport of it. Some of you ladies may choose to be
nicer to us brutes (how generous and kind hearted!) but that won't
correct the hateful laws that have been passed in America that turn
family courts and sexual accusations into star chamber proceedings.
It won't restore the self esteem of millions of neglected and misraised
boys from the bias of single mothers who can't control them and
therefore fear them, the school system and the universities who
pump energetic boys full of Ritalin, ostracize the fathers in their
lives and seek to turn boys into officially certified eunuchs. Those
that don't fit the mold are to be shunted off to prison, it would
seem.
It won't restore ruined lives or careers. It won't change the
pang of fear and suspicion I feel when I talk to women at work,
especially attractive ones, because I am only a false accusation
away from being ruined professionally or weorse going to jail. It
won't heal the damage from endless slights and bruising criticism
everywhere in newspapers, movies, TV, magazines, and advertisements.
Most importantly, it won't make my very expensive but tenuous investment
in marriage and a family any safer and until that happens, relationships
between men and women in English speaking countries will remain
strained to very strained. It won't make me or other men whole again.
If women criticized each other as much as they criticized men,
they'd be cringing neurotics.
Your article seemed to be merely a way of saying We ladies have
come to realize that being lonely is worse than being with you".
"I'd like a date again and you lads can call me if you like; I'll
even make you tea.
That is how the article sounds to my ears, I'm afraid, in spite
of your apparently genuine attempt at liking us again. At least
I was a bit relieved when you said you were afraid of lesbians.
I have often wondered about that with thinking women.
In 1995-96, the women's media was playing the lesbian card to the
hilt and still does with steady but lower intensity.
The message was/is: "You men better shape up or we'll start dumping
you for our girl friends.
They know better how to satisfy us sexually than you do anyway".
Feminists saying they like us again is a bit like Hitler telling
Jews he won't gas them anymore and wants to be their friend. The
trust has so long since been destroyed that it can probably never
be restored. It is the tragedy of your generation of women and the
greatest vindication of those men who 30 years ago said women weren't
fit to lead. I will be leary of my personal involvement with women
for the rest of my days and most experienced men feel that way anymore,
they just don't talk about it.
The problem is that women can be nice today, cruel tomorrow and
whatever they decide, we pay the price.
Men have been saying for about ten years now that this reverse
discrimination must come to an end. I hope that day is finally here,
but I'm not holding my breath. However, we are pissed off!!!!
The kettle is starting to boil. I'm deeply saddened by the smugness
of your article in spite of its chirpy tone and attempts at reconciliation.
Its a drop of water on the hot stone of hate that has become the
women's movement and as such, seems condescending. I'm sorry if
I say so, but say it I must, because I think it is important that
the word finally start getting out, even if we have to criticize
those women who claim to be our allies in the process.
Unlike the feminists I encountered, I will attempt to be rational
and fair in my criticism. It is meant to be friendly as well as
an opportunity to express my feelings for once, in an open and honest
way.
Thanks for the sentiment, but even your list of positive things
about men has a condescending ring to it, while making an attempt
to appear humorous.
I have never met a woman who was my intellectual equal, but not
for want of trying. I have met many with unjustifiably large opinions
of themselves, however. Too many thinking women confuse strength
with bossiness.
That is the real reason why men avoid those so called strong women.
Feminists call excessive control and criticism emotional abuse.
Saying that men fear strong women is absurd.
Every man seeks a strong woman for wife. he just doesn't want a
wife who will castrate him. he wants to be loved and appreciated
and he wants that love to be genuine, not merely an expression of
her ambitions to have it all.
I am fit for a good bit more than lifting heavy objects and taking
out the trash. I am also very self sufficient around the house and
don't really need a woman, but life is empty without them.
If only they had been as generous to us as we men have been with
our tolerance of women's caprices and flaws.
Women in the English speaking countries have done severe damage
to their relations with men, that it will take generations to restore
it, if it can ever be done, as far too many women seem to believe
that they are better off with a matriarchy and defend their new
found superiority jealously, in spite of the obvious destructiveness
to our society and in most cases their own happiness.
I can only conclude that it is to stroke their grossly inflated
egos and to continue along some Betty Friedan dictated life path
because they think they have to.
If I ever have children, and especially a son, I find myself saying
that I will warn him of women's ways the way your mothers warned
you not to sell out to men.
I am afraid for myself if I have a daughter, because I will not
want to impose on her the poison that was imposed on me by the women's
movement.
No one deserves it. I was around when they did it, so the women's
movement can't deny they did so to me, like they can with younger
men, who have enjoyed the full force of feminist propaganda.
When I was 25, saying these things was unimaginable for me. That
is the extent of the damage caused by your movement's excesses.
I could not in good conscience tell my hypothetical son to marry
and raise a family anymore.
That is a very painful fact for me to have to accept.
That is the real reason why men are commitment shy and reluctant
to form relationships or start families. It has become a recipe
for emotional and financial suicide.
It will be very difficult to control the impulse to warn and perhaps
stop the cycle of resentment and anger, I'm afraid, because of the
obsessive need of the women's movement to blame everything they
don't like about the world on men and mens' corresponding anger
and resentment.
We never promised you rose garden and you didn't get one. If you
expected one, the problem of your generation of women's lives lies
with those expectations, not with men.
If you want to help us, stop talking at us and shout at the sisterhood.
Shout to your friends and tell them what has happened and why.
Tell them what they need to do to stop it, but being nice for a
day or two because your in the mood isn't sufficient and a mockery
of fairness and decency.
Display the moral superiority that I so often hear women claim
for themselves and talk sense into your corrupt sisterhood.
Remember, we're physically stronger and the sisterhood won't be
able to create Gynotopia without getting men to do their dirty work
for them. You need our physical strength to enforce your agenda.
The white boys may be tamed, but the Feminist message hasn't ruined
all of us. That is a precarious position to be in once chivalry
dies.
Does the women's movement really want it to?
Thank you for letting me speak from behind the veil of the lace
curtain. We men don't get much opportunity to say these things,
although they have been stewing for years.
I am saddened by all of this, I'm afraid. That is the worst of
it, the shattered dreams and ideals. Godspeed.
Best regards, Jeff McMullen - Germany.
Feedback - Restoring
Testosterone...
You could sub-title it The Failure of SNAG -
Letters to Barb Sumner Burstyn - POV
Thanks, some deep topics are covered there, in a positive chatty
way. You could sub-title it The Failure of SNAG. You've nailed the
modern man's dilemma exactly - how to be post-SNAG, keep the few
useful SNAG qualities, and not revert to brute.
I'd like to be equally flippant in my comments but since you've
opened up a few complex issues I find it hard not to be serious.
Most men would climb over broken glass to make their woman heppy,
if they only knew what that was. Too often what we're told will
make her happy, once achieved, turns out to be not quite enough.
But, men have an equal responsibility to define for each other
the behaviour expectation.
To be a fulfilled man (my POV) is to enjoy buying flowers, making
compliments, being open to affection, as much as to enjoy a beer
with the guys, a hard charge into a front-row or a quick drag-off
against some smart-alec driver at the lights.
When we've learnt to revel in our emotional responses we find much
more to share with women than to feel apart from, hence the whole
Venus-Mars thing becomes a load of superficial light-hearted rubbish.
I like in your writing the idea that be accepting the differences
we will get the best from each other, we can enjoy being men again,
in the full sense.
Vive la difference!
David
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